Managing Fear

A healthy relationship with fear is a very good thing. One does not want to be unreasonably fearful, worrying excessively about things that are very unlikely or that will actually do very little harm. But the image of the fearless warrior is not necessarily a healthy one, either. Most people encounter things in their lives of which they should, in fact, be afraid. Fear is natural, an aspect of the desire to survive, and should be respected as such.

Some folks are at the mercy of their fears, such that those fears limit their lives, keep them from doing things they want to do, from trying new things, from taking necessary risks. When encountering such people in dojo, a good instructor will take several steps to help them get control of those fears. The first is to reduce the risk, so that the scary thing can be accomplished step by step, over time. If taking a big breakfall is frightening, one can start with a simple somersault, then move on to to different kinds of assisted falls, and then, eventually, the student is ready to try the real thing. Working in increments like this works for many things that people find scary in martial arts training. If someone is fearful of sparring, they can start with turn taking, where one person attacks and the other defends, and then they switch. If they are afraid of getting punched in the face, they can start by working against open hand strikes to the face, as that is less scary. If doing a kata by oneself in front of people is stressful, they can start with doing the kata in a group. Eventually, however, the student will have to do the scary version of the thing in order to advance to the next level of their training. This is where a good instructor has to provide the right combination of support and pressure in order to help the student take that next step. I do not tell my students not to be afraid. Fear is a feeling, and I do not have the right to tell them what to feel. I do, however, have the right to ask that they do certain things in class, and that they maintain the self control necessary to do so. That in itself is a method of managing fear : it is harder to be fearful when you are standing up straight, moving in rather than back, not stopping, working with the toughest person in the room. Following the rules, holding oneself in a certain way, doing as asked – all of these things can serve to distract one from one’s fear and to keep one moving. That is one of the many useful things about dojo protocols; they do not allow for giving in completely to fear, and they provide the extra support of expectations, one’s own and those of one's instructor and fellow students. There are folks who say they are never afraid, and I worry about those folks. It may be that they really are fearless, though I have met very few people like that. More commonly, they have learned to not acknowledge their fears at all, to never examine them, and this can actually be a barrier to progress. If we do not look at our fears, we can not control them. If we do not observe how they affect us, we can not work to reduce that effect. Instead, we feel uncomfortable without knowing why, and we may find reasons to avoid training, may even stop training entirely. We do not want to be ruled by fear, and training in a good dojo is one way to get control of our fears. We learn to look the scary things in the face, learn what to do to stay as safe as possible, and then do what we need to do. And that starts when one takes one’s first class. It can feel really uncomfortable walking into a dojo to train for the first time. What if I am terrible (which is likely)? What if people are mean (which should not happen in any dojo)? What if someone hits me (which will eventually happen, and will be fine)? We have to respect everyone who gathers their courage to give it a try. Those who return to training after a long absence, too, are doing something brave, as they must confront the fear of not being as good as they once were at the art. So consider training. If you used to train, consider getting back to it. And if it is scary, find ways to approach the fear, and to conquer it. Courage is not being fearless; courage is controlling one’s fears.